For many, the image of mom and / or dad is sacred, they are the people who are always there, those who support us, teach us about life, but there are cases where love becomes toxic due to the wounds they did not heal and an example they are the cases where there is manipulation of the children. Let’s talk about how to know if your parents manipulate you.
While, the strongest ties with parents occur in childhood and adolescence, there are cases where they can continue into adulthood and not only affect our own personal development, but our relationships with people inside and outside the family, because these acts of manipulation could even create differences between family members.
Psychologists like Daniel Flint, explain that controlling mothers or fathers come to this type of behavior to see that as children grow and mature their control over them decreases, they seek to manipulate to have what they previously had.
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Particularly, Daniel Flint points out three behaviors that show clear manipulation, the harm done to the children and the fact that they reflect unhealed wounds from mom or dad.
The three most common scenarios of manipulation in the family, by mom and / or dad
If you have doubts about the attitude of your parents or the origin of some of your attitudes as a mother it is worth knowing more about the subject. Of course, Daniel Flint points out that This exercise is not used to find culprits but to work on solutions.
These are the cases where the mother or father weakens the child’s self-esteem to make it more manageable, Examples include parents blaming children for other family members’ problems, reminding them of past mistakes, reminding them of something they did for them, and blaming them for their own feelings.
Here we can find parents who dismiss their children’s new relationships based on mistakes from previous experiences, who are victimized when the child chooses something other than what they expect and more.
The mistake is that this type of behavior shows that emotions can be valid as an excuse in a confrontation, the son can say something like “I couldn’t help it, you made me really mad, that’s why I hit the door.”
Invalidity of feelings
It is observed when the mother or father does not allow their children to express their feelingsThey finish their sentences, interrupt them, pretend they know what they are thinking or feeling, and try to bring about change.
The expert’s suggestion, especially in adults, is to choose to see this action as a self-defense mechanism, as a belief of the parents in their feelings and not to see it as an attack.
When this occurs in adolescence it gives the wrong idea that the feelings of dad and / or mom are more important, it also damages the children’s sense of individuality.
Withdrawal of affection
It happens when the manipulative parents use the emotional ties as a manipulation tool, for example, they refuse to see a child who has disappointed them or they do so until the son does what they want.
The psychologist Daniel Flint points out that parents manipulate particularly out of desperation and shame, in addition, he explains that wounded people hurt others. A child or adolescent who experienced these behaviors will most likely repeat them in adulthood if he does not work to heal them.
With information from Psychology Today
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