They say that when a separationAlthough we know that it is the best that hurts the most the children and it is true. I thought I failed my children by not being able to give them a family when their father left, but it was not.
And it is that people fill their mouths saying that a child needs a mom and a dad to grow, true, it is the ideal scenario, but when one is missing, it is not an obligation to try to fill that gap when we already have a role to play. A dad cannot be a mom nor a mom can be a dad, they don’t need more pressure than there already is.
I love my children, but life with them is not easy and there are no words to describe how they change your life when they arrive in the world. In my case, my relationship was not the best and when my children arrived it did not improve.
#Woman The lack of love in childhood limits our relationships in adulthood https://t.co/vpdEQGRoTz #Women #Girls pic.twitter.com/OjRiQ3A1Bt
– I’m Carmín (@SoyCarmin)
June 7, 2020
Since I felt them grow in my body I imagined the best family for them, the weekend meetings, the outings of the city with everything and dog, the evenings watching movies with the family, but although it sounded nice it did not go as I expected.
For his dad it was a lot, the mistreatment began, suddenly everything was fine and on other days he did not want to get involved with them, being a father opened many wounds from his past that he did not want to heal And when he left, yes, I felt a respite for not having to endure that environment, but what made me collapse was the fault.
The guilt of not giving them the family they deserved, the guilt of leaving them empty, the guilt of making them doubt that men could be good and responsible, the guilt of not having their support.
I was looking at it backwards, I didn’t fail, I decided they deserved better
I was not the first or the last woman to become overnight. single mother and they tell me that guilt almost always happens, but then I asked myself two questions that clarified everything, if he stayed, was it the family my children deserved? A family based on lies, appearances and insecurities? No.
The other was, would I like my children to have such a partner? A couple who did not value what they had, who denied their responsibilities and made them feel less blaming them for something that was unrelated to them? Neither.
A long time later I understood that I did not fail to give my children a family, but decided that we deserved better, I decided to do my best to show them that, that life was more than just settling, more than accepting a role that you don’t want to have and that as such, The family is made up of people who want to be present, who are always there for you.
Today I tell you, they did not fail, I did not fail and their dad had a lot to heal, he decided to do it in another place so as not to hurt them anymore. I did not need to speak ill of him, as one asks God to understand, not to grow up with false ideas and it is very difficult to separate pain from what it is, but we have succeeded. They value who is there, who is looking for them.
Failing my children would have been leaving, leaving them to their fate or being where they did not love us, but none of that, together we have come out ahead and fill me with pride every day, although sometimes I deny because they don’t clean their room or because they are late home, but they are good, they are realistic, they are very intelligent and the best, we are a family united.
I am writing this letter to you so you know you are doing well, that despite the models that exist it is valid to create new and own if they are the best for you, that the key is simply to look for the best for you and your loved ones, with those who want to be and by far with all those who only hurt or take advantage.
Your children do not need to learn insecurities, lies or appearances, your children will not love just for a title or a relationship, they will love whoever wins that love and if someone misses it, well there, but it is not your responsibility, you simply must do the best for yourself and for them.
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